Hi. So it’s been a minute. Well, more like a whole ass year of me completely going MIA on this entire blogging situation. Let’s just say I have some commitment issues, and by commitment issues I mean I got lazy.
In the beginning, I had this vision. I’d treat this blog as if it were a newborn child, feed it with entry upon entry every single week, constantly going above and beyond to create content that’s worth you clicking the link in my Instagram bio to read, and pretty much devoting all of my time and energy into this “passion project”. It was obviously easier said (by a delusional 19 year old may I add) than done.
Don’t get me wrong, I still aspire to become a writer. To generate stories, to manifest my thoughts and opinions on serious or non-serious topics, to spark discussions, debates, conversations – to become a kick-ass writer of the 21st century for crying out loud. I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy but I was up for the challenge. Boy did I have it all planned out. When I started this blog, I thought to myself, “This is it. You’re gonna make it big, kid.” And here I am, about a year later with 4 published posts and a couple of archived ones, wondering why I’ve already hit plateau when I barely even peaked.
I am a firm believer that if you want something, go and get it yourself because there is absolutely no way in hell that anyone is gonna get it for you. Just do it by any means necessary. I keep reminding myself that I’m not the only one with dreams. I’m not the only one who wants to pursue a career in writing. There are a shit ton of other struggling writers out there striving to become the next Stephen King or J. K. Rowling. Most of those writers even have the paper qualifications and are undoubtedly much MUCH more talented than I am. The odds of me becoming nearly as capable as those people are comically low. How dare I dream that big? Should I just give up?
One of my mistakes in the beginning of this journey was that I was too focused on making this a commercial thing. I spent so much time on a single post, putting so much pressure on myself with whether or not I had excellent grammar or that it was witty enough. Not to mention, I was forcing myself to churn out content on a scheduled basis. Unnatural. Cringe. I can’t believe I let those insignificant factors affect my quality of work. I can’t remember the last time I sat in front of a keyboard and just word vomited without a care of grammar accuracy or finding opportunities for a witty statement, just like I am now. It feels good. Damn, it feels good.
A lot of things can change within a year. Hell, I could want pancakes for breakfast then decide I want waffles 5 minutes later. People evolve, be it the things they want to achieve in life or how they want to achieve them. I’m 20 now. I’ve grown so much over the past year and I’ve come to realise that it takes sheer hard work and bloody consistency to pursue my dreams. It’s like working backwards. First you determine your end goal. Then you start breaking down all the smaller goals you need to achieve in order to reach your end goal. At times, some of these smaller goals seem unfeasible. Unreachable almost. Your end goal starts to appear a little far-fetched. And then you wonder, “Should I really be pursuing this?” That’s when passion comes into play.
As someone who isn’t trained or naturally skilled in the field at all, becoming a writer seemed a little far off from what I guess I’d be more qualified to pursue? Damn. It sucks that I wasn’t book smart enough to gain the academic qualifications to pursue this passion of mine as conventionally as the next aspiring writer. But hey, that’s not stopping me, is it?
I guess all I’m trying to say is, I’m gonna take a more spontaneous approach from now on. I’m gonna write whenever I wanna write. I’m gonna post whenever I wanna post. If I wanna post 2 posts a day, 7 days a week, or even not post at all for an entire month – it’s up to me. I genuinely believe that removing the idea of “scheduling posts” will improve the quality of my content. Less pressure, I guess. I have removed all of my past posts and although a lot of time and effort went into some of them, I just wanna start afresh. Sometimes you gotta begin with a clean slate. Maybe it’s for the best.
Writing is in my blood, I just know it. And I can’t wait to reboot this journey of mine to become a writer. Or a blogger. I don’t know. We’ll see where this goes.